Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Timing and Time
Yesterday's Love Dare about fighting clean came at the perfect time. Something is up with Sug the past few days. He's just been really self-centered and grumpy. The baby has had a fever and hasn't been sleeping, so Sug decided to lay down with her while I wrestled the older girls into bed. Needless to say, he and the baby fell asleep. I took the opportunity to write a paper I needed to complete for my doula certification and when I was done, I began to lockdown the house which included trying to pack the woodstove to make it through the night. This is a job that frankly, I am just no good at. I'm good at getting the thing started thanks to my cross country camping escapade in my earlier years, and I even keep it going all day long, but the packing it up for the night thing never bodes well. A few minutes later, when I got into bed and switched positions with him, he began to freak out because I packed the stove wrong. In his freakfest, he decided he was going to prove just how bad a job I did. Instead of fixing my mistake, he decided to let the fire run it's course and consequently burn out in the middle of the night. He woke up with that "I'll show her mentality" and didn't start it this morning either. All I can say is he's lucky yesterday's dare was yesterday's dare. Last night, I had mentioned that he was well aware of my deficiency in this area and I was only trying to help. This morning, I asked him for my grill lighter so I could start the fire (he had borrowed it and I couldn't find it)and after a few snide remarks, I explained that I needed the fire to keep the baby (who still has a fever) warm. I never said anything rudely, angrily or even passive aggressively. I just stated the facts and did what I needed to do without anger or malice or deceit. Needless to say, I've already received two apologetic phone calls and have been met with soft words and an even softer heart. I thank God for the timing of this lesson in my life. This whole situation would normally have looked VERY different. I'm hoping if I can keep it all up, my husband will respond accordingly, and our children will also notice a change and be better able to harness their anger. Today's Dare suggests forfeiting a normal activity in order to spend some quality time with your spouse. Tonight my husband has school so I usually don't see much of him. I plan on forfeiting a few hours of sleep in order to greet him when he gets home and ask him how his day was and spend a little time reconnecting. I need to remember that this is all just a season of our lives and our marriage and as I've heard quite often, one of the most difficult. Lack of sleep, short tempers and being needed at every moment sure makes things difficult. My love for God, my husband and children and my commitment to this marriage is what makes getting over these hurdles possible. So far, the Love Dare has helped me to see where I've begun to slack in the effort department and where I've chosen to take shortcuts. It has also revealed the cycle of bitterness and anger that rolls rampant around my home and has given me scripture verses as well as practical ways to integrate what I've learned into my daily life. I pray that God will continue to use The Love Dare to refine me as a wife and mother and strengthen my marriage.