Grasshopper

Earlier today, I took Bean and Bunny over to my father's house. As you may know we are planning a Wizard of Oz birthday party for Bean, and I needed some hay for all things Scarecrow. My father just had someone come to harvest his hay a few days ago so there is still quite a bit that can be raked up and bagged for our purposes. After stuffing 2 huge garbage bags full and loading us all back up into the car, we headed home. The ride home is literally 5 minutes (if you get stopped at the light). I had on the country music station and was lost in my own little world of song while Bean counted to 10 in Spanish over and over again (thank you,Dora). All of a sudden, blood curdling shrieks of panic filled my eardrums and fear filled my heart as I tried to figure out what was happening. Then, I saw it. It was sitting in Bird's booster seat right next to Bean, it was the biggest grasshopper ever. Maybe not quite, but it was a good 3" at least. Bean was scrunched up all the way to the other side of her carseat, crying, screaming, and gasping for breath. I pulled over as quickly as possible, wondering if grasshoppers had ears, and set our newest passenger free. This was one of those things that was way more entertaining after the fact. I'm actually still chuckling at the thought. I'm just glad the grasshopper didn't actually land on Bean or her carseat instead. This could be a much different post.

God is Faithful

When Sug and I were looking to buy a house, I was completely overwhelmed. Bird was almost 2 and I was pregnant with Bean, and I loved EVERY house we saw. Sug was only interested in looking at houses from only 2 different towns and scheduled all the rest for me to see during the week. Now, I had been in prayer about a house for a while and I truly wanted to follow God's lead as I know He had the perfect place for us. I know that in following the path God has set before me, I can be quite dense, so I asked Him to make it abundantly clear as to where He wanted us. After weeks upon weeks of what seemed like silence, I finally knew that we would be paying a specific certain amount for our home. The control freak in me then began to only look at houses in that particular price range. I totally believed God, or so I thought. During this particular time, I was also trying to trust God in my marriage. Submission is a dirty word in my book, or at least it was until I really started practicing it. After a few more weeks, I knew that my husband was supposed to choose our home, and no matter what he chose, or for what reason he chose it, the house he picked was the one. Now, I may take God at His word and know within the depths of my being that it is true, but you can believe me that I had quite a conversation with God on that subject. After finally submitting my will to that of the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth, and subsequently, my husband, we found a house online that was quite a bit out of our price range. When we went to see it, there were about 10 other people with us. The stench of urine burned your eyes and nostrils about 15 feet before you even go into the house. The entire house (except the bathroom) was covered in carpet that had obviously not been vacuumed for a LOOOOONNNNGG time. In one of the back rooms, there was a tree/shrub/bush that had grown in through the open window. The bathroom had a stack of wet towels leaning up against the wall that was up to my chin and reeked of mildew and mold. In the master bedroom, there was a piddle pad for the dogs on the floor surrounded by 3-4 piles of dog poop. The amount of cobwebs and dust would naturally lead one to believe that the house was abandoned, but the sink full of dirty dishes told another story. Finally, we were led into the basement which to quote the high-heeled big haired supermodel standing beside me "it smells like raw sewage, I'm sure that is raw sewage... I gotta get out of here." My thoughts exactly, sister! After walking through the house a second time, I knew it. He hadn't said anything yet, but I knew this THIS was the house Sug was going to want to buy and I knew God wanted me to go along with it! WHAT?!? There was no way, I must have heard God all wrong. You can bet your...bottom dollar that I went straight to God with that, right there and then, while I stood in the driveway and my husband and beloved real estate agent trekked through the waist high grass to find the exact parameters of the property. I think I recall our conversation going something like this: "God, I love you, but you have got to be crazy. I have a little girl to think about and a baby on the way. We can't live here. There is a plastic tote full of tub, shower and sink water in the basement that is being pumped into the backyard where my kids are supposed to play. It's out of our price range anyway (scary but true), and I'm beyond sure that you don't want me or anyone in my family to die of Lyme's disease. I am so pregnant that I can't even help with any work that this house would need and being the super nurser (I don't mean that I'm a great nurser, I just mean that I do it a lot for a decent period of time)that I am, it will be quite sometime before I can help. (then my sensibilities kicked in and I remembered who I was talking to) But God, if you made this for us and it's ours to have, I need a couple of things. Firstly, I need something...anything...to hold onto as a sign of hope. I also need the actual price of the house to be THE number, or I will be convinced that it is not from you and that it should be passed by. Thirdly, I need to know that no matter what, we will be able to pay the mortgage. And, what is the name of this post? Amen, He is, God is Faithful. During the second walk through of the house, the person who lived there was home and gave us her own tour, explaining everything. They had tried to make the house as undesirable as possible because they didn't want to move, her parents, the owners, had informed them quite matter of factly and there was quite a bit of bitterness and hostility in the air over it. She then began to show us all the fruit trees and the little porch swing that was covered in junk and finally, the answer to my prayer, a little side porch that went completely unnoticed because of the overgrown brush that covered it (which come to find out was actually the most beautiful thicket of Wisteria). On the top of this little porch were two of the most beautiful little stained glass windows. This was my something. My anything. From that point forward, I was on board. No shocker, we paid exactly what I knew we would for the house. Three years later,(2 weeks ago)our house is actually our home. Septic system fixed, hardwoods installed, field mowed regularly, bathroom replaced, we are at home. Don't get me wrong, there is still so much that needs to be done, but either way, it is our home. Oh, and the whole point of this post? God has been faithful to provide each and every payment thus far despite my husband throwing his back out and being on TDI for an entire summer, and me being in my current state of unemployment. Our mortgage is due on the first. We had $112 in the bank and still needed groceries. Yesterday, a friend of ours called to drop off some money he owed my husband. Sug has been helping this friend clean out properties that have been foreclosed. This friend, had sold one of these properties and in addition to the usual hourly rate, included a bonus which totalled to this month's mortgage payment!!! He is Faithful. He is Good. He is our Creator and Sustainer. As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, these are things I should expect and know, but it's always nice to be reminded.

Smelling Like Roses

So here it is....Since having children, I have yet to have a day that I end up smelling like roses. 15 days ago I began a mission to have one day (not even a 24 hour period, just from 6AM-8PM) that I did not have to deal with poop. I know I still have to change Bunny's diapers, but does she need to decide to do her happy dance just in time to get it on her foot and kick it all over my arm? And I know that Beanbag is potty training, but do I have to find out that she had an accident by sitting down in the exact chair that she pooped herself in? And I know Chloe hates me, but can't she just prove it by eating out of the trash again instead of stepping in a pile of the stuff she left in the middle of my kitchen floor? And I know I need to clean out the litter box, but why is there poop on the outside of it? And then there was the day of the mystery poop, which still goes unresolved. I was cleaning the house and while vacuuming the living room, I noticed a smudge on my arm, which was most definitely poop. Where it came from, I have no idea. I just have to chalk it up to another poopy day. Today has already been crossed off of the potentially poop free day, but there's always tomorrow. I have been praising God for things like baking soda, vinegar, soap nuts, and anti bacterial hand sanitizer as well as hiney wipes, paper towels and house rags. The first day without poop will be a cause for celebration, but I know that the first year without poop will be a cause of sadness and reminiscence of days gone by. Everybody is going to have a crappy day, and today is just one day in a long string of crappy days, and I couldn't be happier.

A Tale of A Tail

While sitting in the car, waiting to leave our fabulous cabin in Maine, Birdie asked where her daddy was. I responded that Daddy had to use the potty before we left. She then asked if daddy sat down when he used the potty. Beanbag quickly responded with "Hims can't sit on the potty, hims has a tail."

I Survived

I dropped my small daughter off at a building full of people that I have never met, with little more than a bag lunch and a few .art supplies. My heart and mind were completely confounded as she slid smoothly into the line of other small children, face forward, eyes intent. Her strides toward a building she had barely set her foot in, were strong and long, keeping in pace with all the others. She was all business. Her last words to me still hung in the air like a dense fog. Her words revealed more of her compassionate, kind, loving heart than I could stand. "Mommy, I'm going to bring home lots of pictures. I'm going to draw a picture of each kid in my class and I will tell you all of their names. They will be my friends, so I'll tell you who they are.....OK, Mommy. I'll have fun. I love you." Although, we had a busy day, my thoughts were with her and what she might be doing at any given moment. How was she being treated and how was she treating others? Was she being shy or bold? Was she going to be able to open her new thermos all by herself? And if not, would she be brave enough to ask for help? From 2-3:00 was one of the longest hours of my life. My husband and I piled into the car with Bean and Bunny. I tried to keep it cool, but ended up in an argument with the hubby when he jumped out of the car to get her and expected me to sit in the car and wait EVEN LONGER with our other girls while he just ran in. After a few short moments, he relented and opted to stand outside of the car with the camera poised. I stepped into the small cafeteria, my eyes scanned the crowd of children, parents and teachers hoping to catch a glimpse of Birdie talking with a new friend or staring back at me with wide eyes and a smile that couldn't fit her face. Instead, I had to lean around a group of adults who obviously knew each other and were having a fine time recollecting, to finally see her. There she sat on that cool metal bench that ran along the picnic style lunch tables, all by herself. She was looking at her shoes or her hands and she looked like the tiniest little child ever made. It took her a moment to see me and it was perfect. Her eyes were bright and smiling while her grin lit up the entire room. "It was a great day, Mama! Where are Daddy, Bean and Bunny? I want to show them my new bag." I survived, I survived all of it, and even more importantly, she thrived and can't wait until Monday.

The Rubber Meets the Road

How exactly does one give their past over to God? I should know the answer to this as a majority of my past is His for the keeping. I understand that I have been forgiven and that my life experiences will be used to help others in some way. I know that He wants us to forgive, but not necessarily forget. He doesn't want us to be tortured by memories or guilt or shame. He wants us to be truly repentant and turn our lives over to Him so that He can make us more like Christ Jesus. He's in the business of changing broken lives around. My God is a testimony maker. That being said, why can't I give him my childhood? He's walked me through it over and over again and it gets easier and easier each time,until...He asks me to give it to Him. How can I let Him have THAT? I need to be afraid so that I can keep the same things from happening to my children. I need to be on guard at all times so that I don't suffer the same shocking fate as my mother. I need to be wary of people in order to protect my family and myself. Doesn't God understand that? How can He even think of taking that away? Fear, anger, resentment are all things He's healed me from in the past. Why can't I let this go? Jesus, my Lord and King, is asking for my garbage and junk so that He can make it beautiful. I know that He will, He's done it many times over. Why is this one so hard? How easy would it be for me to just blame Satan, but I'm the one holding the great neon sign that says "If you want to keep me paralyzed from prospering God's kingdom in any way, push THIS button" with an arrow pointing to the absurdly large flashing button that is my childhood. I know I can trust Him with this, so why don't I? How do I distinguish the Holy Spirit's prompting from my own personal blockade of fear? Well, if the fear is gone, there will be only one voice, that WOULD make it easier. I know that I will have to pry my fingers off this thing daily, but with His help it might not be so bad, right? I guess, with that thought, I'm beginning another mission from God. I know it's from Him because it's hard and I don't want to do it, but it will be life changing and epic. It will be one of the many places I can build an Ebenezer in my walk with Him, so maybe the next time He wants something from me it won't be as difficult as it is right now. Praise God for His Glory and Grace. For this moment my childhood is His and although my eyes are stinging and the tears are flowing, it feels good to be set free, if only for a short while. Thank you, God for showing me my junk. I can only get through this mission with you at the helm. Please lead and guide me along your path to complete freedom. Praise you.

A Day to Myself

I had a day to myself yesterday. I had Bunny, of course, but Birdie and Bean were having a lovely day of their own with their Uncle Brother and his family at the beach. Uncle Brother got his name because he is the only boy in our family. So instead of calling him by his real name, my sisters and I just started to call him Brother and with the births of all of our children it evolved into Uncle Brother. I had so much planned for my day to myself. I had picked up a bunch of delicious cucumbers from my CSA and planned on making some pickles to bring with us on vacation for Bird's birthday. Didn't happen. I planned on being able to read a couple of chapters of "The Princess Bride". Didn't happen. I planned on cleaning the house from top to bottom. Didn't happen, I didn't even take the clothes out of the dryer from the night before! I planned on making 4 sock monkeys for Craft Hope. Didn't happen, although, I almost finished one, she needs 1 eye and a smile! I planned on doing my Bible study. That I did do and it set the tone for my whole day. It may have seemed like a wasted day to the untrained eye, but to me, it was perfect. I did my bible study and spent a huge majority of the rest of the day playing with and snuggling and kissing my Bunny. During the average day, she gets so overlooked by all of the vocalized needs of the big girls, the discipline and training that's going on, and the day to day stuff of life. Bunny is so mild mannered and goes with the flow so easily, that I rarely get to just spend hours upon hours lavishing love upon her like I did for my Bird and my Bean. So that's how I spent my day to myself. I learned more about my God and my baby girl. It was totally worth the sink full of dishes, the dog hair tumbleweed covered floor, and the still unopened cover of a beloved book.

Vehicularly Vexed

I am utterly confused about this whole Clunkers for Cash incentive that's currently being offered. I normally wouldn't give a second thought to some scheme I couldn't understand, but we could really use a new car. Birdie and I were talking about a family of friends when she announced that the fact that they only have 2 children and are probably done having children was "bad, just not good".
Perplexed, I asked "Why?".
She exclaimed quite matter of factly, "Because it's better to have 3 or 4 or 6 kids!"
I tried to explain that God has a plan for each family and all families look different, some don't even have any kids, and some have many more than 6. I finished my mini sermon with what I thought was an extremely though provoking question... "How many children do you think God wants us to have in our family?"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, she answered "3!"
Perplexed again, I asked "Why?"
I then had to cover my mouth to wipe away the smile that was fast spreading across it when her response was, "Because our car isn't big enough to fit anymore kids!" I believe that I have mentioned that Birdie is quite intelligent, and, of course, she's right.
Unfortunately, I love my car (not in a weird, don't touch it or eat in it kind of way, but I'm thankful for it). That car is the car that God gave me when I couldn't afford a car, never mind one THAT nice. That car is the one that Sug, my then fiancee bought for me and my safety. That's the car DJ and I used when we went to the beach and the movies the whole summer after her mother died. That's the car that moved us into our first little rental house. That's the car that drove us to the hospital when I was in labor with Birdie and drove our new little family home. That's the car that has taken us on all our family vacations, as well as all of our everyday errands. The broken moon roof is a reminder of a really rough storm about 4 years back. A tree branch fell on top of the car and cracked the moon roof while our new little family sat in the dark surrounded by candles listening to the wind howl (literally) through the ancient windowpanes around us. It was lovely. The crack in the windshield is a daily reminder of the day Bunny entered our world. Sug, broke the windshield when he pushed our new carpet into it by accident. Having Bunny at home ruined our carpet. Small price to pay for such an amazingly blessed experience.
There are some technical reasons I don't want to get rid of the car as well. First and foremost, I still owe quite a bit for it. Secondly, it has never cost all that much to fix whenever any issues have arisen. Thirdly, it fits all 3 car seats (snugly) and still has room for the stroller and a week's worth of groceries. Finally, it has all wheel drive which is beyond necessary for where we live. What's a girl to do? Well, when you have a husband like mine, you just tell him all of it (even if halfway through, he rolls his hands and eyes gesturing that he wants me to get to the point!). Well, after I poured out my heart and my concerns, he nonchalantly responded with "What about my truck, we can always trade it in and I can use your car, problem solved!"
"My hero!"

Leaving a Legacy

Unfortunately, I did not make the pillowcase dress yet,so there are not any pictures to share. I did make one more blanket and will be overnighting it as soon as we can all get out of the house (Bunny is a late sleeper). We all went blueberry picking and made the most delicious blueberry jam EVER!!! We've got quite the mission today. As I looked at all the lovely jars of jam, I remembered that my aunt had told me that my grandfather had eaten a whole jar of my strawberry jam in 1 week, soooo off to Grandma's house we go. Not only will I bring them 4 smiling faces and a jar of blueberry jam, I will also be bringing a dictaphone. While cleaning out their house a couple of weeks ago, I came across a couple of books that my mother and I had bought years ago. One was called 'Grandmother Remembers', another was 'Grandfather Remembers', and the one I'm most excited about is called 'To Our Children's Children'. I have to admit since cleaning out their house and seeing pictures, cards, and hearing about the memories of their children, my heart has been longing for a time long past. I know that God is eternal and that Satan has been around since the beginning of Earth as we know it. I relish the opportunity to have a very small glimpse into the generational traits and sins that both God and Satan have been privy to for quite sometime. I am blessed to have one full set of grandparents, and I am grieved to have the absence of the other. Little does my father know, I will be expecting him to fill the gap. I pray that God will give me the opportunity and the clarity of mind to bless my great-grandchildren with the memories, trials and joys of my grandparents and parents. I pray that the Lord will bless this endeavor mightily, for the good of His kingdom and the joy of His people. I pray that my children will see the importance of this and will be blessed to hear of a time gone by, of people they have descended from and cherish it in their hearts knowing that someone in our past has been praying for their children, their children's children, and their children's children's children until the return of Christ on Earth.