Facebook (A Fickle Friend)

I have been on Facebook almost daily for quite a spell now. There's just something about feeling closer to people you know and care about even if they're far away or not someone you would normally talk to each day. I know it sounds funny, but I really love my Facebook friends. It doesn't hurt that most of them are my actual friends and family. I love when my little "Friend Request" lights up and I get to see someone's face that I haven't for a while. I like to hear about the mundane or exciting or thoughtful things people I care about have going on. I have been enamored by Facebook for a while and yesterday I got to see its true colors. A little over a month ago, I had the greatest Facebook week in history. I found one of my best friends from my college days. He was friends with a small handful of great guy friends that we used to hang out with DAILY. I was so excited to get in touch with them all and see how they were all doing. They're lives ran the gamut. They were all married, some with kids, some without, some eastcoast, some westcoast, some doing what they always thought/hoped they would be, some right where they belonged all along without realizing it. One of the guys was just getting out of the hospital from having a tumor removed. This is where Facebook got ugly. We chatted about his return home and the time he could now spend with his wife and young son. We wished each other well. Yesterday morning I checked my Facebook home page to check up on everyone and share my hopes for a clean house only to find that my friend had passed away in the night while sleeping with his family. I almost gave up Facebook completely. Why would I want to reconnect with people only to lose them just as quickly? The problem with that thinking is that I wouldn't be given the opportunity to reconnect at all. This small group of guys was my first set of college friends. They were the ones who challenged me to go to class everyday (not that I accepted the challenge very often). I'm in a weird spot. Do I go to his service which is 4 hours away (nothing in the grand scheme of things) or do I remain a Facebook sympathizer? Do I leave uplifting and precious remarks on his page, his family's pages, our friends pages and cry in front of my computer screen, or do I solidify my commitment to his "Friend Request" and step out as a friend would to physically be there as a support to his widow, his son, and his family despite having never had met them? My heart is opting for option number two. Whether they recognize that I'm there or remember that I came doesn't matter. I am thankful for prayer and a God who loves me. I will be checking to see when the service is and God-willing, I will be on my way to NY in the next day or two. Jeremy, may God watch over your family and friends during this time of grieving and bless you with a special room in Heaven.

Taking My Own Advice

This past weekend I took the baby and headed South to visit with a dear friend of mine and her family. She's been talking about getting seperated and (as if everything is about me) it's freaking me out. Sitting and listening to her, I realized that she's in a very similar place I was a couple of years ago. Every marriage has its own cycle(s). The problem is when one partner wants to break them while the other is content/comfortable in letting them continue. Neither my friend nor her husband are Christian, but I did something I normally would not do. I suggested, and maybe even encouraged them both, on seperate occasions to watch Fireproof . I believe this movie saved my marriage by giving both my husband and myself a new perspective on marriage and what it is meant to be. After we saw it, we purchased 2 of the Love Dare workbooks http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Love-Dare_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ69715089 and quickly found lovely little homes for them to collect dust. Could it be coincidence that coerced my mother into buying us the movie on Black Friday and suggesting I take it home then? My knowledge of God convinces me otherwise. After talking and sharing with my friend and realizing that I have no desire to end up in that place again, I watched Fireproof again. I have also begun Love Dare. Day One explains that love is patient. Wouldn't you know that as soon as I asked God to help me learn to be more patient with my husband, he gave me the chance. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all is way easier said than done. I actually considered leaving my husband's copy on the bed for him to find with maybe a few portions highlighted, but quickly though better of it and decided this 40 day commitment of mine was to my God and my marriage and if my husband, as the man I'm married to, benefits, then so be it. Today, Day Two explains that love is kind. My challenge is to do some kind gesture for my husband. I've decided to clean the house. It's been quite a mess since we've gotten back and it drives him mad. I've made a delicious pork tenderloin dinner and now need to pick Bird up at school. As soon as we get home, it's house cleaning here I come!

Ahhhhhhhh

The big birthday bash is over. I can breathe a sigh of relief. It rained. We survived. The kids actually had a great time playing in the mud and rain. Overall, it was a good day. Although, I have to admit that I am experiencing quite the hangover. No, there wasn't any alcohol at my daughter's 3rd birthday party. But there was copious amounts of time, energy, stress, thought, and money spent in order to bring it all together. I went to sleep last night feeling guilty, pained and even slightly embarrassed about what had just occurred. I feel the same way this morning that I used to feel after a night out drinking. I feel deep remorse and slight confusion over it all. I hate that I wasn't able to spend much quality time with anyone at the party. When left to look over all the left over food, the pile of beautiful/thoughtful presents, the amount of things that I had bought/created that were never used, and the sheer exhaustion and crankiness which ultimately led up to ungratefulness and sense of self righteousness and pride in my girls, I cried. I just began to think of all the people who have NOTHING and here we are sitting in abundance and feeling as though we deserve it. I am glad that my daughters and their friends had a great time. I just feel badly for neglecting what I have. I have an amazing circle of friends and family who care about us and love us. I have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart daughters, one of which is now 3 and believes in the depths of her being that 3 year olds use the potty and now lives by it (day 2). I have a husband who loves us deeply and does everything he can to provide for all our needs. We have all been blessed enough to bless each other with our time and gifts. The joys of this world are so fleeting and our time here is so short. There is a good chance that I will fall into this pit again as I do so love to create, make, focus, and dream big. I'm just hoping that I will put what is important first next time.

God's Girls

I love my Bible study group. They are truly a blessing straight from heaven. When giving advice or guidance they rely heavily upon God's word and what He has taught them during their own lifetime or through someone that they love's trials. I also admire the fact that when they are wrong about something, they are humble enough to re-evaluate, apologize, and refer back to scripture. I am both humbled and honored to be learning from them and sharing our lives together. I can only hope that I am half the blessing to them in their lives as they have been to me in mine. My heartfelt prayer for each of my children is that God would provide them with a group of friends such as these. Friends who will hold each other accountable, guide and nourish spiritually, laugh heartily and mourn deeply. I pray that my children will have friends who reflect and resemble the love of God and the heart of Jesus. I also pray that my children and I will be this kind of friend to others.