Spring is Here!!!

Well, technically speaking, Spring is not here yet. But Spring cleaning is in full bloom at my house. Hubby's been home with a bad back. Bummer in the financial department, but blessing for our house, our kids, and our marriage. We have been rearranging our house literally as well as figuratively. My husband and I physically work well together. Since Sug is laid up, he's been talking and walking me through his Spring cleaning routine like burning up the unusable brush and residue in our wood pit, reorganizing the basement, and tomorrow I'll be hooking up a hot and cold outside faucet!!! Sug has been home to see all that goes into my Spring cleaning. I've switched up a size in cool weather clothes for Bean and Bunny. I know I'll have to do the Summer thing soon, but they both have grown so much, nothing was fitting them. I have rearranged rooms so that Bunny will soon have her own and have been CLEANING and PURGING for days now, so much so that Sug even purged a bunch of his old junk!!! I hope we can keep the momentum going. I feels good to get rid of some of this stuff. We've also been working well together and we get to talk a lot more than usual. I'm trying to enjoy this time while we have it, before he gets well and heads back to work. We are blessed even in the midst of what appears to be a horrible situation.

Whoooooaaaa

Wow! What a ride this has been. Being in a spiritual battle is super exhausting. It has been an absolute roller coaster ride in these parts. Arguments, fights, illnesses, unemployment, a crashed computer, TDI, loss of a family vacation, anger, a missed birth, sheer exhaustion... sprinkled with hope, joy, God's word, constructive conversations, Valentine's day, birthday parties, love, time with friends, forgiveness, BSF, craft ideas, prayer... every day and every moment has been so drastically different. This is the stuff that Christ-changed lives are made of. We are working hard as a family to get rid of the junk in our lives. I have to admit that this load of trash has been sitting around stinking up the joint pretty badly. Unfortunately, it's all been here so long that it's all but melted into the fabric of our lives. Cleaning up this mess is not going to be easy. During my bible study this week, I was reminded that Earth is not our home, but heaven is. Jesus died in order to fulfill Scripture and reconcile us with God. He is now in Heaven preparing a place for us, but until then, we are here as warriors in training. We are here to get to know how our enemy works and practice using our weapons of God's word, unity with other Christians and prayer, so when Jesus returns with the trumpet's blasts and rolling back of the clouds, we will be prepared to back our Savior in the ultimate battle! Knowing that this is all in preparation for something much bigger, really makes it more purpose driven and much more difficult to just avoid (which I sometimes would prefer to do). I am thankful for this refining process and blessed to know that He has a plan for me and my family.

Timing and Time

Yesterday's Love Dare about fighting clean came at the perfect time. Something is up with Sug the past few days. He's just been really self-centered and grumpy. The baby has had a fever and hasn't been sleeping, so Sug decided to lay down with her while I wrestled the older girls into bed. Needless to say, he and the baby fell asleep. I took the opportunity to write a paper I needed to complete for my doula certification and when I was done, I began to lockdown the house which included trying to pack the woodstove to make it through the night. This is a job that frankly, I am just no good at. I'm good at getting the thing started thanks to my cross country camping escapade in my earlier years, and I even keep it going all day long, but the packing it up for the night thing never bodes well. A few minutes later, when I got into bed and switched positions with him, he began to freak out because I packed the stove wrong. In his freakfest, he decided he was going to prove just how bad a job I did. Instead of fixing my mistake, he decided to let the fire run it's course and consequently burn out in the middle of the night. He woke up with that "I'll show her mentality" and didn't start it this morning either. All I can say is he's lucky yesterday's dare was yesterday's dare. Last night, I had mentioned that he was well aware of my deficiency in this area and I was only trying to help. This morning, I asked him for my grill lighter so I could start the fire (he had borrowed it and I couldn't find it)and after a few snide remarks, I explained that I needed the fire to keep the baby (who still has a fever) warm. I never said anything rudely, angrily or even passive aggressively. I just stated the facts and did what I needed to do without anger or malice or deceit. Needless to say, I've already received two apologetic phone calls and have been met with soft words and an even softer heart. I thank God for the timing of this lesson in my life. This whole situation would normally have looked VERY different. I'm hoping if I can keep it all up, my husband will respond accordingly, and our children will also notice a change and be better able to harness their anger. Today's Dare suggests forfeiting a normal activity in order to spend some quality time with your spouse. Tonight my husband has school so I usually don't see much of him. I plan on forfeiting a few hours of sleep in order to greet him when he gets home and ask him how his day was and spend a little time reconnecting. I need to remember that this is all just a season of our lives and our marriage and as I've heard quite often, one of the most difficult. Lack of sleep, short tempers and being needed at every moment sure makes things difficult. My love for God, my husband and children and my commitment to this marriage is what makes getting over these hurdles possible. So far, the Love Dare has helped me to see where I've begun to slack in the effort department and where I've chosen to take shortcuts. It has also revealed the cycle of bitterness and anger that rolls rampant around my home and has given me scripture verses as well as practical ways to integrate what I've learned into my daily life. I pray that God will continue to use The Love Dare to refine me as a wife and mother and strengthen my marriage.

No Hitting Below the Belt

Things have been really busy here. Bunny's getting a new tooth and has just gotten over a fever to beat all fevers. She's still pretty listless and needs lots of love from her mama. I was disappointed because I couldn't participate in Craft Hope's newest project. It involves knitting and that is one craft I haven't even attempted. My disappointment was short lived as they are now hosting an Etsy shop with all donated craft items that will benefit Doctor's Without Borders for Haiti. (Sorry I haven't added any links, for some reason, they haven't been working for me) I've decided to make some stuffed animals: bears, giraffes, pigs, birds... for this project, and I've been busy. I'll post some pictures soon. And, getting back to The Love Dare, Day #12 has yet to pertain to us. We are told to willingly choose to give in to an area of disagreement, letting my husband know that I am putting his preference first. To tell you the truth, nothing came up yesterday, but knowing God, the opportunity will present itself soon. Today's Dare is to make rules to fighting fairly and live by them, with or without your spouse. So I guess this would mean not calling my husband a *^%*face which I did last night after he started freaking out about helping me get our super restless and strong-willed children to bed so that I could finally lay the sick baby down....dun dun dun...during the last 2 minutes of a really close football game. He was being a *^%*face, I guess next time I don't actually need to tell him. Oh the highs and lows of marriage. My husband laughed at my choice of insult and realized how petty and selfish he was being. It's all good. It just stinks when it gets to a place like that and there are no formal rules set in place to protect you from your own stupidity. Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks insult. Proverbs 14:17 A quick tempered man does foolish things.

Long Time No See

It's been a few days since my last post. There's a whole lot going on over here. Anyway, let's backtrack to Day #9. The Love Dare is to greet and welcome your spouse with a smile and enthusiasm. WHOA!!!! My husband and I have been married 6 years and not once did I ever pay attention to how I greet him. I have to admit, 3 days later and I'm still working on this one. I guess we're just a little too comfortable with one another, enough so that any type of greeting has all but disappeared. Even on the phone, we barely say "Hi.". What an eye opener. So as I mentioned, this one is still in the works. I don't want to scare the poor guy. Greeting him with an enthusiastic smile all of a sudden may lead him to believe that we're pregnant again, and that's just not something I want to be conveying right now. Day # 10 speaks of unconditional love and doing something for your spouse that proves that your love for them is based on a conscience choice. This one was much easier. I chose to clean the litterbox. It was as good as proof of unconditional love gets. I HATE cleaning the litterbox, but I love my husband and chose to step outside of myself and do it for him. I can't promise that I will always do it, but I'm now aware of what it symbolizes and I will consider doing it much more often. Today's Love Dare, Day #11, tells us to choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile. So I decided to look up the word cherish, not because I don't know what that means, but for insight on how I may be able to convey it to my husband in a specific way. Here's what it said "Cherish suggests regarding or treating something as an object of affection or as valuable". I have to admit, as far as objects go, there are very few in my life that I think of as valuable. The few things I do view that way are each treated very differently. The whereabouts of my wedding rings, Bible and camera are always known. They are most always on my person or within arms reach. I have a special coin that my great uncle gave me that sits protected in a special place in my room not to be touched by small hands. Our TV and computer are used daily. Which one of these valuable items resembles the way I feel about Sug? The funny thing is that I would turn each and every one of these things over to him without thinking twice about it. I know he's much more than these things and I do cherish him. The question is how to show it. Well, I've got some thinking and praying to do over this one. Praise God that He is Faithful and will provide the perfect opportunity today to prove all of this to my husband.

Burn Baby Burn

This morning's love dare is about jealousy (of you spouse specifically). I have to confess that I had no idea that this existed until I spoke to a friend whose whole entire marriage was based on jealousy. She, unfortunately, is no longer married, but I was able to see how harmful this is in a marriage. God being the great Teacher has shown me how jealousy can and has crept into my marriage. For some reason, nobody in my house feels the need to sleep at night and when they wake they don't hesitate to scream out MY name. They need their blankets pulled up or a stuffed animal whose fallen on the floor, not to mention Bunny still nurses at least twice a night (a sure underestimation). So, after 2 nights of seeing every hour, my husband who took the day off yesterday and had the house to himself (prime sleep opportunity), informed me that as soon as he got home he would be taking a nap because he was exhausted. Anyone who knows me, knows that that went over like a lead balloon. But, this is a walk of thinking and behaving differently. I did lose it this morning, but I am finding it in my heart to forgive him and let it go. I need to find my own provision for sleep and not be jealous of his. Today's love dare is not only to burn the negative list we wrote yesterday, but also to join your spouse in celebrating a recent success. Today may be the most difficult yet because I need to get over myself first. God will prove Himself faithful.

Lists, Lists, Lists

I LOVE lists. I write at least one a day and probably have hundreds of them lying in the corners of my mind. Grocery lists, to do lists, not to do lists, bucket lists, prayer lists, lists of ideas, lists of potential baby names (just in case), the list goes on (heehee). Yesterday and today, the Love Dare involve lists. Day #6 asks for a list of areas in my life that need to add a margin to my schedule and any wrong motivations that need to be released from my life. So here it goes: Finances, Sleep, Patience, Joy & Fun. WRONG MOTIVATIONS: Insecurity, Anger, Rage, Impatience. I have learned that these wrong motivations affect the things I have to make room for in an ugly circle type way. As soon as I miss some much needed sleep, I allow Anger into my life, which robs me of my Patience and in turn my Joy and Fun which increases the Anger to a state of Rage. I need to make room for sleep in my life as well as Patience, Joy and Fun. I think I'll leave the Finances up to God. That's what He wants anyway. Day #7 asks for two lists. One about all the positive things you can think about your spouse, and one with all the negative things. These are to be on two separate sheets of white paper for a future use. I will not be sharing these lists for obvious reasons. This could prove to be interesting.

Annoying!?!? Who!??!?! Me!?!?!?

Day #5 of Love Dare tells us to ask our spouse to tell us three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with us. The key to this love dare is not to bug out and start telling them your list against them. So, in order to get this one accomplished I had to completely spill the beans to Sug about doing The Love Dare. He basically thought that I was trying to start some sort of argument or something and continued to tell me that he had no idea what I was talking about. "You don't make me uncomfortable or irritable." Finally, he asked me for 3 things that make me feel that way about him. Trust me coming up with three things was super easy, but it was just coming up with the three things I wanted him to know about that was a little more difficult. Do I mention the fact that he leaves coffee grounds on the counter, so every morning when I start to make the kids' breakfasts and lunches I have to clean up the whole coffee area first for fear of super over-caffeinated children all day long? Or do I mention that he's got shoes, slippers, and boots placed strategically all over our house, waiting for just the right moment to trip you? Or what about the fact that as soon as Bunny begins drifting off to sleep, he feels the need to call to me from the farthest room of the house, expecting me to call back in return and when I do not, he busts right into the room and asks why I'm not responding, in turn waking up the baby? Or maybe the fact that I ask him on Sundays what he needs from the supermarket on Monday mornings only to be told that there is nothing he can think of, until, Monday afternoon when he calls because he just remembered that he needs shaving cream, razors, and deodorant? The list of possibilities seems endless. Anyway, I ended up choosing three and said "Now it's your turn." My husband stared at me and laughed. "Honestly, besides your unnecessary concerns about your appearance, I got nothin'. All those little things things that are or can be annoying are actually quite funny. So, right now there is nothing I can think of that makes me uncomfortable or irritated, but I'll let you know when I think of something." Maybe Day #5 didn't go as planned. Needless to say, I'll be expecting a phone call later this afternoon.

I Just Called to Say....

Today's Love Dare is to call your spouse just to check in and see how they're doing. This one didn't work out so well last time because my hubby was at work. Although I think for most people it would work better on a weekday, today is perfect for us. In a few hours, Sug is going to go out into the freezing cold with a buddy of his and go digging for clams. Yes, in the freezing, cold, wet ocean. Perfect for a phone call and maybe even an attempt at making coffee for when he gets home. My day will consist of taking my girls to a birthday party at the local movie theater. Yes, warm, joy-filled focused children, then coming home to fresh dug clams. I'm certain today is going to be quite favorable all around.

Cha Ching

Wherever your time, energy, and money is spent is where your heart truly is. The Love Dare today is to buy something for my husband to let him know that I am thinking of him. This is going to be difficult. I need to buy Frontline and flea shampoo for the dog and cat and although I can convince myself that this would bless him, I kind of think they have something different in mind. Maybe I'll buy him a coffee on my way home from our CSA today. I'll have to pray about it a little more. I'm sure God knows the perfect thing.

Day #2, Again

Today for the Love Dare, I will be doing something kind for my husband. Now we just had an argument yesterday about my laundry method. I would rather do all the laundry in 1-2 days rather than 1-2 loads/day. The problem my husband has with my method is the fact that we don't have a folding table and I use the dining room (using the term loosely) table to fold and sort the laundry. Because I think it is a waste of time to put stuff away each time they come out of the dryer, I leave the clothes on the table until the whole job is done which is usually 2 days. So, today being laundry day, I will put the clothes away before he gets home and then proceed to put away each load as it is finished. It's going to be a huge pain in the hiney, but my husband will appreciate it and I get a little exercise in.
On another note, I've been having quite a few little flickers of thought about starting my own business. For me, it is a terrifying thought. Anything I have ever attempted before has always gone up in smoke. I have to admit, mostly they have been done my own control freak way instead of letting God lead, and the reasons and motivations are usually quite self focused. This time I'm going slow and letting God lead the way. First I need to finish my DONA birth doula certification which may/may not include becoming a childbirth educator and/or a lactation consultant. All of my massage stuff is in order, but I will need to brush up on business skills and break out the table for a few "getting back into the swing of things" freebies. Right now I'm just thinking, praying, listening, and waiting for His word in His time so I know that it will all be for His glory.

Here We Go Again

Now what better motivator to restart a prevoiusly failed effort but to join in with hundreds of others doing the same thing? Just this morning, my local Christian radio station (K-Love) started The Love Dare!!! Imagine that. If there was any doubt in me that God wants me doing this thing, that's long gone. Day One's dare is essentially following the advice of Thumper's wise father. To loosely quote Walt Disney's Bambi: (Thumper's Mother) "Thumper, what is it your father told you? (Thumper, looking super cute and not so innocent) "If you can't say something nice, then don't say nuthin at all". Great advice. I noticed this morning that the words I used towards Sug in a short conversation we had were not unkind or hurtful, but that my intention behind them was more than a little bit self righteous and in turn a jab of blame mixed with a tiny bit of a condescending tone. As soon as God revealed my true heart in the matter, which ended up being my need to feel validated, I called Sug and appologized for my snarkiness. I haven't spoken to him since but he should be home soon. Today may be harder than I thought, especially since my words are only a small portion of how I communicate. My thoughts and intentions are being brought into the light as well. As a woman who just lets it all go at the mouth, today will not be easy, but the Lord knows and He loves me and will help me to see what needs to change and provide the way to do it.

New Years

Well, we've all been sick. Needless to say, my Love Dares have been put on hold. Between coughs, sneezes, bathroom issues and sleepless nights, Sug and I have maybe had 10 minutes total in the past week to share any type of information. We did somehow manage to take all the kids to dinner and a movie, where the baby proceeded to throw up all over me. Of course, we were at a hibachi restaurant and we were sitting with a group of other people we didn't know. Good Times!!! Our conversations have been sounding something like this: "Grrrrr" " "You, too?" "New Years Party?" " Everyone's coming" "Blahhhhh" "I know" "Honestly, poop?!?! You've got to be kidding?!!?" "Thinkin' about getting all my certifications this year" "Cool, me too." "Cool" "yuuuuuuuck" "Love you" "Love you too" I'll ring in the New Year starting The Love Dare over. I came across this link that made me think a little bit about what the whole concept of a new year is about. Check it out. . Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year!!! http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/12/when-you-cant-figure-out-what-answer.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29"

Day #4

Well, Day #4's mission didn't go so well. I was supposed to call my hubby during his work day just to see how he is and if there was anything I could do for him. I tried calling him at a time he wouldn't normally call us only to realize that HE'S ACTUALLY BUSY when he's at work, and couldn't talk. I've decided to try again today being as it's a Saturday and he's running errands and such. I have a feeling that this will work out much better! In addition to re-attempting Day #4's challenge, I will be timidly approaching today's challenge with a whole lot of prayer. Love is not rude is the topic, and the dare is to ask your spouse for 3 things that you do that irritates them or makes them feel uncomfortable. Easy enough except you then have to accept it with grace. That's where all the prayer is needed. Excuse me while I retreat to a quieter place to have a conference with my king.

Day #3

Sug acknowledged the clean house!!! Yeah!! For Day #2 of The Love Dare, I was supposed to do a kind gesture for my spouse. I really prayed about it, but all I kept getting was that my house was a disaster and needed a good cleaning. I really wan't sure that it would be a kind gesture directed toward my husband, but I did it anyway as if it was. Ends up, he was blessed by it and I followed God's lead!!! Day #3 suggested that I purchase something to let my husband know that I was thinking of him. I'm embarassed and sad to say that I went to the supermarket and bought him the milk and coffee filters he had asked for yesterday morning. So unromantic, but if you know me, you know I ONLY go to the supermarket once a week. If I forget diapers, bread, milk, or any other necessity, it will just have to wait until next week and we'll figure out a way to make due. In this case, I had bought milk but Sug had used it all to eat a whole box of Cocoa Puffs (Gid love him, he's gross like that). As for the coffee filters, he hadn't asked for them and I don't drink coffee, so I didn't know we were out. It may not be what the writers of the book had in mind, but it works for us. I once again prayed about it and did it with a heart for my husband. There was no thanks or acknowledgement of it this time, but it made my heart smile when I saw him taking a sip of his coffee as he kissed us all and headed out the door. Day #4 is a call at work with no agenda. Although we talk quite a bit throughout the day, when I call, there's usually an agenda. He calls on his way to a job, lunch break and on his way home. WOW!!! Typing that was the first time I noticed the effort my husband makes to be a part of our daily lives while he's at work. I may just have to thank him for that...but I'll wait until HE calls ME for that!

Taking My Own Advice

This past weekend I took the baby and headed South to visit with a dear friend of mine and her family. She's been talking about getting seperated and (as if everything is about me) it's freaking me out. Sitting and listening to her, I realized that she's in a very similar place I was a couple of years ago. Every marriage has its own cycle(s). The problem is when one partner wants to break them while the other is content/comfortable in letting them continue. Neither my friend nor her husband are Christian, but I did something I normally would not do. I suggested, and maybe even encouraged them both, on seperate occasions to watch Fireproof . I believe this movie saved my marriage by giving both my husband and myself a new perspective on marriage and what it is meant to be. After we saw it, we purchased 2 of the Love Dare workbooks http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Love-Dare_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ69715089 and quickly found lovely little homes for them to collect dust. Could it be coincidence that coerced my mother into buying us the movie on Black Friday and suggesting I take it home then? My knowledge of God convinces me otherwise. After talking and sharing with my friend and realizing that I have no desire to end up in that place again, I watched Fireproof again. I have also begun Love Dare. Day One explains that love is patient. Wouldn't you know that as soon as I asked God to help me learn to be more patient with my husband, he gave me the chance. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all is way easier said than done. I actually considered leaving my husband's copy on the bed for him to find with maybe a few portions highlighted, but quickly though better of it and decided this 40 day commitment of mine was to my God and my marriage and if my husband, as the man I'm married to, benefits, then so be it. Today, Day Two explains that love is kind. My challenge is to do some kind gesture for my husband. I've decided to clean the house. It's been quite a mess since we've gotten back and it drives him mad. I've made a delicious pork tenderloin dinner and now need to pick Bird up at school. As soon as we get home, it's house cleaning here I come!

Transition Period

Being as there has been virtually no fall here in the Northeast, my household has been in the midst of our summer to winter transiton period. This time usually takes a whole season to accomplish but this year it is all being jammed into a 2-3 week period. I have actually been messing around with clothes for about 2 weeks now. What started out as our usual change of season/size clothing swap turned into something much bigger. After we were all done, we got an invitation to an actual "Clothing Swap". We were to bring any clean, gently used clothing which would then be displayed and set up throughout my friend's home as a shop would. Any left over clothing was going directly to the Rescue Mission in our area. What a great idea, I had to get on board especially after realizing how many clothes we actually have and how few of them we actually wear. We ended up donating 11 bags of clothes from size newborn-size 14 Womens. I was also able to organize our collection of clothing totes so that each tote houses 1 size from newborn up to my stuff. Not only did we donate clothing, but also shoes and accessories. Bird and I made the swap a date night and had a great time. Bird came home with a few tee shirts and some jewelry to share with Bean and I came home with a quilted LL Bean fall jacket. I may not be able to wear it this year, but I expect that next year when I do get to wear it, it will be quite a gift. Sug and I have deicded that after our yard clean up (hopefully this week)the girls will be getting their own rooms. This will afford us the opportunity to donate toys (the "extra room" is currently a disaterous playroom) and give each older girl a place of her own. We will also be setting some new house rules/disciplines/family times into affect. Sug and I haven't gotten the time to sit and talk about it all yet. Sug has been busy chopping wood for our hastily appraoching winter, but I was able to secure some free babysitting at the Clothes Swap for 3 hours next Sunday evening. Wow!!! Although, I'd rather leave such things out of our rare date nights, I think we can come up with some things that will afford us some more quality time inthe future. Whoever said that the only constant is change sure knew what they were talking about!

The Gift of Marriage

Last night at my bible group, we were helping a sister walk through something,and I had the opportunity to share something that God had shown me a little while back. Until this year, my marriage has been really hard (not just for me, I'm sure). We both came in with a lot of baggage and attitude, which is not a good recipe for a healthy long lasting marriage. But, we did do one thing right. We asked God to be part of our marriage and a cord of three is not easily broken, especially if one of your cords is the Creator of the Universe. Both of us were very unhappy, but marriage was not designed to make you happy, it was designed to make you holy. Our whole purpose on Earth is to strive through the guidance of the Holy Spirit to be more like Jesus everyday. If being married doesn't teach you forgiveness, patience, long suffering, and self control; I'm pretty sure that nothing on Earth will. Some may think that having kids teaches you those things, but raising children is what tests them (my theory on why God wants us to be married before having children). Anyway, in a particularly hard time in our marriage God gave me a special gift of understanding. He helped me realize that of all the people on all the planet, I am the only one who is allowed to love my husband the way that Jesus would if He were here. It's a huge honor, because God loves my husband so much, He wanted to give him someone to love him like He would. And that's ME! I'm meant to be a gift and a blessing! I also realized that revoking that privilege would be detrimental to me, my husband, our marriage, and our family. It makes sense doesn't it? No matter how hard or yucky our marriage has been, if I ever saw my husband being hugged in a deeply loving and comforting way by someone else, or if he felt more comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings with someone else; man, woman, or camel, I'd be devastated and deep down I would know that it was because I was not fulfilling my purpose as a gift from God to my husband. No one is allowed to love him like I do. Anyway, there it is, pulled from the archives to benefit some else. Oh wait, I think I really needed to know that again. Maybe instead of keeping it in the archives to pull out for others, I will start trying to keep that at the forefront of my mind, and just maybe my marriage will continue to prosper. Novel idea, let's go with that.