Sunday, October 4, 2009
The big birthday bash is over. I can breathe a sigh of relief. It rained. We survived. The kids actually had a great time playing in the mud and rain. Overall, it was a good day. Although, I have to admit that I am experiencing quite the hangover. No, there wasn't any alcohol at my daughter's 3rd birthday party. But there was copious amounts of time, energy, stress, thought, and money spent in order to bring it all together. I went to sleep last night feeling guilty, pained and even slightly embarrassed about what had just occurred. I feel the same way this morning that I used to feel after a night out drinking. I feel deep remorse and slight confusion over it all. I hate that I wasn't able to spend much quality time with anyone at the party. When left to look over all the left over food, the pile of beautiful/thoughtful presents, the amount of things that I had bought/created that were never used, and the sheer exhaustion and crankiness which ultimately led up to ungratefulness and sense of self righteousness and pride in my girls, I cried. I just began to think of all the people who have NOTHING and here we are sitting in abundance and feeling as though we deserve it. I am glad that my daughters and their friends had a great time. I just feel badly for neglecting what I have. I have an amazing circle of friends and family who care about us and love us. I have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart daughters, one of which is now 3 and believes in the depths of her being that 3 year olds use the potty and now lives by it (day 2). I have a husband who loves us deeply and does everything he can to provide for all our needs. We have all been blessed enough to bless each other with our time and gifts. The joys of this world are so fleeting and our time here is so short. There is a good chance that I will fall into this pit again as I do so love to create, make, focus, and dream big. I'm just hoping that I will put what is important first next time.