Thursday, August 13, 2009
Yes, I said it...Mommy Sex. In my life, the two words are complete contradictions, not because I wrestle with that Madonna/Whore thought process and the necessary mental jumps that tend to accompany that, but because I'm a mommy and I'm tired, and sex (if done properly) is a lot of work. My husband and I recently had a passive aggressive joking spat about our sex life. Now, as a Christian, I believe that after loving God with all my heart, mind, body, and soul; I need to love my husband and respect the bonds of marriage above all else. This includes sex on a regular basis. Unfortunately, being a Christian and believing something doesn't automatically make it happen. I have hundreds of excuses and some of them are quite valid: Bunny sleeps either in our bed (to nurse once or twice a night) or in the hanging crib next to our bed, Beanbag wakes up at least once during the night and needs to be snuggled back to sleep or she'll begin screaming at the top of her lungs waking everybody up which results in being awake for hours (not to mention hubby's temper tantrum from being woken up), and Birdie and Chloe have something against anyone sleeping any later than 6:45....the list is endless, but most of it revolves around the reality of sleep deprivation. The recent spat began after Sug thought it was a good idea to put the "moves" on me at 5AM. Although he thought he was awake because of his unbridled passion for me, it was actually because I was just climbing back into bed after putting a fully nursed Bunny down in her crib. I had already been up twice with Beaner, twice with Bunny, and neither of the big girls went to sleep until 11PM (Ridiculous). Needless to say, Sug's enthusiasm far exceeded mine. A few minutes into our little make out session, Beanbag wakes up screaming....again. I had to "go, go, before she wakes everyone else up!". Later that day, I was confronted with the jokingly said statement of "How can I make myself more attractive to you, I'm already the best looking guy I know. It would be nice to be surprised by you every once in a while." I can only assume that everyone knows exactly what Sug meant. So, in a very respectful way, I posed a challenge to my dear husband. He didn't have to stay awake with me, but he did have to wake up every time that I did through out 1 night. He accepted my challenge. Last night was a fairly slow night. The girls went to bed easily and on time, Bunny only woke up around 1 and again around 5:30, and Bean only woke up once around 3. I never saw my husband move until 5:30. I had assumed that he did not participate in the challenge, until I received my morning phone call. Sug usually calls at about 7:15 to check in for the morning, my call this morning did not arrive until 8. I answered the phone to the words "Alright, you win. I woke up every time you did, I couldn't stay awake and I'm exhausted today, already. I just want to go to sleep. You win." Now, don't think for one minute that I win by us not having sex. That would actually be the biggest lose/lose situation ever. I think that what I was trying to show my husband was that the way that I feel about him and my enthusiasm for him has literally been exhausted by my duties as "Mommy". Sug will keep trying, and maybe I'll even surprise him sometimes, but it's nice to know that he can appreciate where I'm coming from. Instead of being angry, confused, feeling unattractive, or unwanted; he can understand and sympathize with our reality at this season of our lives. There truly is a season for everything. I am grateful and humbled by the fact that my husband loves me enough to accept my challenge and has taken it to heart. We've come a long way in our marriage, and this could easily have been another hurdle. It could have easily become a source of confusion, pain, resentment, and distance. Instead, we were able to take practical steps to understand each other better and open the table for discussion. Hopefully, in a few more months, Mommy Sex won't be such a contradiction.